It’s the same ol cycle. I wake up, say I’m going to do all these things, drink, eat, nap, drink to cure hangover, bed time. I might get started on some of my task, but I never finish or I’m crazy slow cuz I’m too busy trying to get to a certain level of drunkenness. AND AGAIN. Wake up, drink, eat, nap, drink to cure hangover, bed time. I lie to myself saying having a couple of glasses of wine or a couple of beers will help my creativity or inspiration. For a tiny bit it does help, but nothing gets finished. I love how productive I am when I’m sober. Why can’t I just stick with it?! I know I’m better sober, so why do I choose to be shit?! Why is it so much easier to be shit?
I was sober for about a month and it was a mixture of feelings at first. Stressful, anger at myself, positivity and negativity back and forth. Then, it became the best thing. Great sleep, great poops (I'm allergic to yeast so booze messes up my stomach and poo), gym, healthy eating habits, and having a better/more peaceful relationship with my boyfriend. Valentines day came around and I had 2 small glasses of wine with my man (he wasn't a big fan) and was very proud of only drinking that. I'm the type to buy a bottle of wine and kill it then drink even more. But during valentines day with him, we only drank half the bottle together. I felt dope, controlled myself and had a great time with him. Didn't even get tipsy. but that means we left a half bottle of wine in my fridge. I avoided it for days, and told my boyfriend he needed to take it home with him cuz ill be so tempted and he didn't the 2 times asked. He kept assuring me he would take it next time...then the next time. One day, I finally did it. I was close to leaving my job so I was feeling excited for quitting and I drank. I was honest and told him mostly because I was good, I didn't get drunk or cause drama. But after that, I was drinking more and more telling myself I was under control and making up excuses. my boyfriend and I starting fighting more and basically everything and everyone started becoming more annoying to me or negative like it was before. Even small things like not washing my face at night become a giant and annoying task to me. Bigger things like hanging out with people that I know aren't great for me started slipping back in my life. Next thing I know, I drank everyday for 2 weeks and started hiding my booze habits to my boyfriend. You know you have a problem when u hide it. They don't even have to ask u what you are up to and your hiding ur evidence. Anyways, nothing HUGE has happened to make me stop drinking again, but all of the little things combined made me like....NAWWW I'm out that drinking life. Life was more happy and chill when I was sober. maybe I won't be able to be someone that moderates their drinking. MY diet, skin, sleep, poops, stomach, fitness, cleanliness of my house, relationships with my love, family and friends all suffered from booze. Booze aint worth it!