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I’m having a terrible time at my current college and I’m not sure where I should go or what I should do next year. I feel so overwhelmed in every aspect of my life. I call my boyfriend crying almost every night and I feel like such a burden. The idea of suicide just honestly sounds really appealing. It just doesn’t really make me sad or scared to think about at all. It’s just that life kind of seems like too much and I could literally just have it be over in a second and then it wouldn’t matter. I know that everyone’s response to something like this is that it’s selfish and you can’t do that to your loved ones but I just really feel like me being gone would make everyone’s lives a lot easier. The emotions I feel are just too much for me to handle and I don’t really see any reason not to just stop needing to deal with it. I feel like the only real thing holding me back is just actually physically doing it. I know this sounds just so bad but in my mind right now it isn’t this big tragic thing it’s just getting to turn it all off and never need to feel this way again. TLDR: I feel like I’m a burden and I don’t know what I’m doing and feel like ending things isn’t a bad idea.

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I just really wish they could find out somehow without me needing to tell them

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if anyone knows the kygo remix of shine by Benjamin Francis leftswitch I love it and im looking for more songs like this

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yea i’m really late to the party here but if your on apple music i’ll send u my playlist it has like 200 songs and a lot of them r similar

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Original Poster1 point · 1 month ago

Yes please!

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today I (19f) saw my bf(19m) had been searching for naked model pics online. He said it's from a long time ago blah blah blah but I just don't know if I'm supposed to believe that. Regardless that hurts really really bad. We're long distance and that in it's self requires a lot of trust in a person which I completely have in him but it's like now I know he needs to seek out other girls online. I just feel like I'm clearly not enough and I don't even know what I'm supposed to do because it's not like I can just make myself look like that. I just feel so extremely self conscience I don't even want to take off my shirt along with just feeling lied to.

TLDR: bf searches for naked pics online and I feel lied to and self conscience.

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23 comments

As a guy, looking at porn is just normal. I am in a relationship with a girl that I love to death. Literally my absolute soulmate. I would do anything for her but sometimes I do look at porn when I’m having personal time. I know how you feel though because I went through this struggle when I was younger but if you trust him, looking at porn is nothing to be mad about. Your feelings are definitely valid but I’m certain that porn is not a huge issue. It can definitely turn into a problem but 99% of the time, I would say you can rest easy. I’m sure that he doesn’t look at you different and not to be offensive to any adult film stars but when a guy watches porn, he does not see them the same way a guy sees his own girlfriend. It’s a different way of thinking. He wouldn’t be with you if he didn’t think you were beautiful. So if I were you, I would not worry about it because it is just normal behavior for men and woman to look at porn. If it’s really something that bothers you, just talk to him about it and try to understand his point of view. He probably lied about watching it in the first place because porn isn’t really something people are proud of watching lol But talk to him and express your feelings because they are valid and communication is very important. Good luck!

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Original Poster2 points · 2 months ago

sorry to come at you again you just gave a good response. I just think also feel like even if it’s different for guys or whatever it’s that I don’t do that and don’t feel like I’m being restricted I just really don’t want to or need to see anyone but him like that. So idk what that means.

It’s hard to understand when you don’t go through the same feelings. I know guys and girls that look at porn all the time because they just have a high sex drive and when they can’t have sex, they masturbate. I also know guys and girls that don’t watch porn and they are perfectly happy. It just depends on the way a person is wired. Some people enjoy porn, others don’t. And that’s completely okay! It’s a LDR that you have so i’m guessing your bf just wants to masturbate once in a while when you guys are apart. Which is completely normal as well. Why do you think no fap november is so hard the majority of guys lol But like I said, him watching porn has nothing to do with you. And I mean that in a nice way. It’s just him getting some release when you guys are apart. I don’t want to seem inappropriate but maybe sending him something to look at instead of porn will help. That way he gets what he wants and i’m sure he’ll tell you some nice things about yourself which will boost your self esteem. Obviously that’s your decision and only do it if you feel comfortable and trust him. But overall, don’t feel threatened by a pornstar. He’s not looking at porn and wishing he was dating one. He’s dating you for a reason and if he didn’t want to, he wouldn’t be putting up with dating long distance. So I would say just relax and don’t think too much into it.

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Original Poster1 point · 2 months ago

I totally do get what you’re saying but also I do send him ~stuff~ lol. Like plenty so the insecurities come from that not being enough for him if that makes sense.

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When I'm upset or don't know how to handle a feeling or situation posting on reddit is my go-to but there are always comments that are just mean and unhelpful and extremely hurtful for no reason and then I'm like well fuck never mind and just delete the post because I feel dumb for feeling whatever it is

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I don't think anyone who can acknowledge that they're toxic and self-loathing is really as toxic or self-loathing as they probably think. Regardless it's never too late to make a difference in your life and if there's a different kind of person you'd like to be you can literally wake up and make it happen.

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so basically my roommates told on me and my other roommate for smoking in our room. They've broken more rules out of the handbook than I can count and we have never ever done that because like live and let live. We were under the impression that we were all good but they just risked our educational and other careers for no apparent reason. Moral of the story is we want revenge but don't want to get in trouble so help.


TDLR: evil roommates, want ideas for revenge

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dreaming

u/Psychological_Paper
Karma
68
Cake day
November 24, 2018
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