i’m so done with everyone asking me incredulously ‘why did you leave your position?! it pays so well for your level!’
i hate it when they think i don’t know that the company is paying exceptionally well. i hate that they think whatever reason i left for, ‘it can’t be that bad’.
no, it is bad. they don’t know what it’s like to cry every night hoping to die that night so that i won’t have to go in to work tomorrow. they don’t know that i get panic attacks at work whenever my manager wants to speak to me, wondering if she’s going to be yelling at me again for some goddamn thing that is out of my control. they don’t know that i go to work everyday being outcasted and alienated. they think a great salary is the only thing that should matter and i should have stayed at the position.
and now that i left, all they can think of was ‘the great salary’ that i left behind. get out of my life.
when i first joined, i’ve been told my manager is intimidating and expects us to know our stuff. fair enough. and that she gets into bad moods sometimes. gulps, but everyone has their bad days right? i’ve been scolded for following instructions that she gave and subsequently decided it was not good enough, and also for things the team has reviewed positively before i submitted to her. i’ve had close to no training on the organisational processes - everything i learned was on job and i can’t always tell what information is right/wrong bcos well yknow, no training. they always remind me that i was one of the few fresh grads they hired but they treat me like i am supposed to know everything? i’m so tired of being scared shitless everytime i interact/see my manager and facing her wrath everytime she looks for me. cant look for HR for counselling/intervention (guess which dept i work in!) and i really dont know what to do anymore